confidence – AC Canoe Adventures

How to grow confidence

A look at how we can develop confidence in our lives and sports by considering sea-kayaking and equestrian sport

Setting the scene – our environment

It was a beautiful day and the promise of a trip along fabulously folded coastal cliffs with possible sightings of seals and a variety of seabirds was enticing.

We knew that it had been breezy and that we could expect onshore (westerly) winds (around 10-13 mph) for a paddle out of Ceibwr bay. It was no surprise then to have some rolling swell even in the bay on an incoming tide. What we found was rather more than that. As we neared the end of the bay I could see a line of bigger water: larger swell with some white tops. Not so long ago, I wouldn’t even have got this far; not so long ago I would have been afraid to make a turn on these waves; not so long ago my butterflies would have been more than fluttering, they would have been dialling my fear needle to ten. Nonetheless, the swell was choppy and I wasn’t prepared to go any further. It is one thing to pass through a short patch of difficult water, but this would have been relentless and I didn’t feel ready, or safe, to continue.

We turned back.

So, these waves were, on the plus side, not too muddled, they were pretty much rolling inshore in regular sets and weren’t breaking. The downside was that they had tops disturbed by wind and were about a metre and a half of swell. Not only was I disappearing into troughs but it was very much a case of ‘now you see me, now you don’t’ when trying to spot Christopher in his yellow boat. When I looked at stills from the video, it was also possible to see just how much the boat was rocking and tipping, so (once again) I was blessing the primary stability of the Scorpio which is never in a hurry to tip me out.

(Have a look at the video! https://youtu.be/MpxqsGHi4wY).

We headed back towards the shore and my nerves calmed, my muscles settled, the butterflies ceased the manic flights. Reflecting, I realised that although it was still all a bit much for me today, the fear needle only reached about eight.

Do we have a sixth sense?

If you’ve read any of my other blogs or if you know me, you might well realise that the sea is not my immediately comfortable home: put me around horses and I know what I’m doing. I’ve been doing it for pretty much all of my life and have managed to develop what I think is probably a sixth sense. So I’d like to talk about that sixth sense that we have around different environments and how that works for different people.

How often have you heard someone say jokingly, that we, as human beings have a sixth sense? It’s not really telepathy, but certainly if we’re talking about horses, we understand FEEL, and that’s not just by sitting on the horse, it’s about being around a horse. One of the things that has always interested me is how much people who are new to being around horses tend to get trodden on, nipped, barged over, or fall off. The reason for these mishaps is generally not because the horse is unpleasant or unkind, nor because the person is unpleasant or unkind: they haven’t yet developed that sixth sense. In practical terms it is just a little more than a flick of the horse’s ear, the look in it’s eye, the way it moves, the tension in it’s muscles, it’s reaction to the current environment. So in that context, we’re talking ‘horse sense’ and this is something that definitely changes the more you’re around horses. I could talk for ages on that, but today’s blog is about paddling, so holding onto this idea of a ‘learned sixth sense’, lets start relating this to kayaking so we can illustrate ‘feel’ in a different context.

My husband, Christopher, has been on the sea and around the sea, pretty much all his life in the same way that I have been around horses. He has that sixth sense around the sea. He understands it, he can see what’s happening. He interprets what’s going on very quickly. And he doesn’t get frightened by things which might unnerve others who – like me – are less used to the sea. It’s this same mystical sixth sense about what’s happening around us. The information that we are taking in is more than just visual, it is often defined by all our senses at once to create the complete picture.

When we relate this to learning or coaching we consider how we process the information around us (perception) and then couple this to the actions that we need to take in that situation. It’s a very personal thing and in coaching we need to allow individuals to discover their own solutions: it’s no good if I expect to manage my kayak over a particular wave in the same way that someone in a different kayak and of different build will manage theirs over that same wave.

This perception-action coupling is very possibly the modern idea of the ‘sixth sense’ or ‘feel’. Effective, coupled perception of our context, and action to manage it will ultimately make us safe and effective in our movements – and hence in our sport.

Relating ‘feel’ and confidence through experience

In both these sports (equestrian and paddling) we are having to move our bodies to balance and effect the movement that we need – a brace to stop the boat going over or a shift of our weight over the horse’s centre of balance to allow the horse to find it’s own way of moving. In order to be effective like this we need to be attuned to our environment and to be relaxed enough to move easily. (We can ‘self-organise’ and put ourselves in a useful position).

Ah.

With confidence comes a moment of calm which allows us to find the split moment in time to initiate the right movement or reaction. It’s also easier to move effectively if we are relaxed mentally and physically.

This is where reflection comes in. Whilst we need to do things ‘in the moment’ it is incredibly important to reflect on our experiences so that we can draw (personal) meaning from them and then pick out elements that will help us in future.

Taking up kayaking has reminded me of the feeling of ‘fear’ when faced with doing something. I think about the steps I take to improve my confidence on the water and then relate these to the equestrian environment. I’d like to think that I use this effectively as an empathetic approach towards helping people on their horses.

Classically, somebody will come to me and say they are afraid to go jumping. I need to understand that fear and I certainly do understand that fear. I’ve been there, I’ve fallen off , I’ve suffered with butterflies and nerves.

In the same way that I’ve now got used to that, I’m beginning to get used to kayaking on slightly bigger water, different waves and in different environments. I don’t think my sixth sense is developed yet, but I’m certainly, perceiving things differently. I’m able to feel things more easily. I’m be able to look at waves and be rational about what is likely to happen. Is it a bit lumpy? Is it a swell coming towards me? Will my boat just ride over that, or am I going to get tipped in? Is that a Whirlpool? Is that swirling water? Is that fast running water? What’s it going to do to the boat?

And now, instead of having all the terrifying worst case scenarios run through my mind, I can actually think, ‘No, I have been there. I’ve been through that. And I’ve survived it. And this is what I did’.

Rules for developing confidence

We all know that someone can tell you to ‘relax!’ until they’re blue in the face and the more they do that, the less you will relax. If we add in a constraint of some kind, (close your eyes, chat and be distracted, focus on a different issue/challenge or element) and you will find that you relax (into doing what you need to do) without even realising it. Look at the cormorants and you’ll stop focusing on where the next wave is coming from. You can look at the scenery, you can look at things around you, and you suddenly think, ‘Oh, I’ve got from A to B. And I didn’t worry about it. And it was fine. And I did the right paddle strokes’. It’s the same with riding, often I have my nervous jumpers singing or watching me instead of the jump. Their first thought, typically, is that I’m mad, but it works.

So that’s the first thing the second thing is experience. Again, someone can tell you that this particular sort of wave is not going to tip you in if you do this, that or the other. If we are nervous, we need to prove it to ourselves; only then will we embed it in our own experience log. Remember to learn as you go, start to create the link between the environment and what it is that you do to achieve your result. When you reflect you can use that again in a benchmark for future trips.

Third, compare your experiences and create a measure for how far you have come. Don’t be pushed. If there is one thing that we need to know about confidence it is that (for most people) it as fragile as fine glass. With my jumpers, I always create a ‘safety zone’ – it’s a jump or jumps that they can always complete so that if things go pear-shaped (they will at some point because that is part of learning!), they will have a good start-point to help rebuild when we need to. I recently created an argument for never leaving your comfort zone – that’s another story – but the advantages of staying within it are that you can fine-tune skill, you can relax and enjoy what you do and you can become expert in small (but important) things. My message here is don’t cross the comfort line too far or too soon. One day you will decide for yourself that you want the next challenge and you will step out of that comfort zone happily and comfortably. It’s the same with horses. It’s the same with jumping. It’s the same with paddle sports. (Oh, and it’s the same in organisations too!).

Reflecting on y our own experience is crucial. It doesn’t have to be written or spoken aloud, just thinking through what has happened and what you’ve done. You might ask yourself questions:

‘Did I do the best thing there?’

‘Could I change my technique for a better outcome? ‘

‘Was the result what I wanted? ‘Did it need to be better or different?’

‘Realistically am I able to change what I did?’ ‘ Do I need new skills?’

…and so on….

And in summary…..

You can build your own experience, you reflect on it and that’s effectively what I’m doing through my blogs and my videos. It’s not so much to share it for the world to see because there’s nothing dramatic here, but in taking on a new sport I have gained an opportunity to re-visit ‘nerves’ and that, I hope, will benefit not only me but also my equestrian clients.

I will always be delighted if somebody else who has the same kind of confidence issues that I have can read this and realise that they aren’t alone. I’m not afraid to say ‘I can’t do that, (yet)’. I’m not afraid to say ‘I don’t want to go there (today)’.

So if you’ve got any questions about building confidence, if you’ve got any questions about how to say no, if you’ve got any questions about whether you’re feeling you’re wimping out, just give me a call, drop me a line, send me an email, and we’ll sort out how to build confidence. (It’s true in any sport, but also in my executive coaching world). It’s little by little and it’s through self reflection, and positive support from the people around you.

Sea Kayaking – confidence and motivation

Gaining confidence in and on water has been a slow game for me, but the struggle-muscle, once developed, is always there

It was a bit late in the year when we bought our sea kayaks, so it was something of a race to get out and play before Winter set in.

I have a love-hate relationship with bodies of water – on the one hand I am very nervous of it and not a natural swimmer. On the other, I have always loved being by it; childhood memories of happy seaside holidays, rock-pooling and collecting ‘Eye-Spy’ points (anyone else remember those?). 30 years ago, in an effort to overcome this rather overwhelming fear of water, I took a Winter course with a canoe club. It was all about rolling BATS and the first thing we had to do was dive in and swim two lengths of the pool. I can swim two lengths, (not stylishly), but not dive and it was something of a ‘swim of shame’. The kindly (I think not!) instructor selected me to sit in the BAT first and told me to capsize it. Well – for all you water-babies out there you probably wonder what the fuss was about, but it was a move of terror for me. To cut a long story short, I never really got into kayaking from that point. (I wonder why?) As a coach in my current life, many years later, this makes me absolutely cringe…..

Surely this ditch-and-retrieve things isn’t that hard?

A few years on I met the love of my life who was a keen sport diver. He is a complete water-baby, and even now I’m not sure how he hides his gills. It took me a whole Winter of weekly pool training to get my basic SAA qualifications and I remember my poor husband watching in frustration and splashing his fins on the pool surface while I tried vainly to duck dive and to swim a width under water. I got there with a lot of support, confidence-building slowly – oh, so slowly – until I could successfully complete my ditch and retrieve in 5m of water. Only such a non-water-baby as me could have chosen a club that used the pool used by SBS for training.

I now believe that the struggle muscle that got me through not only sport diving, but qualifying as dive supervisor, and later to technical and mixed gas diving was powerful in making the sport enjoyable for me. It wasn’t something that was going to happen fast, but the small steps to confidence were lasting.

I loved diving – not the boat trips (sea-sick), not the agony of warming up after Winter dives in a wetsuit, not the fast drift dives in murky water over rocky ledges, not the heaving about of hefty kit. What I loved was the sea life, cute tompot blennies peering out of pipes under Swanage pier, the velvety sea slugs in the Mediterranean, shoals of manta off St Helena. But some of the best were the seals. Those wonderful, curious, elegant swimmers that I first came face to face with on the Barrel of Butter up on Orkney.

And now? Now I want to go out in a sea kayak and see seals. This is where my kayaking story really starts.

With a determination that a few waves aren’t going to deter me from getting out in a kayak, it was important to build my confidence; diminish the fear of capsizing; learn to be calm in this alien environment and go out and enjoy the coast.

First steps were a course in basic flat-water skills at Cardiff International White Water in August 2019. Next, get out there on the sea and have some fun. Now, starting out for 2020 I want to try and get confident enough to roll and avoid wet exits form the kayak….

So here we go. While waiting for our plane to go skiing in January we booked our places at Plas Y Brenin in March this year.

We set out on a blustery wet Friday afternoon for North Wales and by the time we arrived at PYB we were ready for a relaxing beer in the bar. Many moons ago, it was almost impossible to get a decent pint in Wales (lager or Brains only, and never on a Sunday) PYB’s bar has great beer and decent, filling food; so that was a good start to our weekend. It’s always handy to be drinking alongside another beer drinker, so Christopher wasn’t surprised that after he’d ordered a pint, I checked it to see if it was worth having, or whether I should choose differently.

The pool sessions were great, with excellent coaching. I suppose that some might see it as a fail that I wasn’t rolling in two days. I see it as a great and steady foundation on which to continue slowly building confidence. My big ‘aha’ was finding my orientation upside-down and under water.

Assisted rolling – finally bringing my head out of the water last

It’s a shame that I can’t get to pool sessions with the local clubs, as I am sure that this would be a superb way to build my knowledge, experience and confidence. Sadly, work either takes me away too much, or I am coaching equestrians in their spare evenings. Nonetheless, we live within easy distance of lots of water – rivers, lagoons, seaside. So, keen to get out, we took the kayaks down to Cardiff for a paddle in The Bay. It was rougher than it was on our New Year’s Day trip, and rather colder, so in spite of our best intentions to practice capsizes, wet exits, rolls…. we succumbed to the idea of hot soup and warm clothes…

Anyway, thinking back on my first trip in Two Tonne Tess (my rather weighty blue Scorpio), in September 19, when even a ripple sent me rushing back to the safety of dry land, it seems that the trips we’ve made have started, just slowly to build that -oh so precious, oh so important and ohhh so elusive – confidence.

I can’t wait for warmer weather and gentler breezes….

Sea Kayaks…..

Working towards a dream of seaing seals from a sea Kayak, but knowing I have a long way to go to become confident out there in the big wide sea

So, the grand idea is to go touring in sea kayaks. I dream of seeing seals from the sea, get to beautiful bays with empty sands or dramatic cliffs. I love seeing all wildlife, the wonderful fauna and flora of our country. I like the idea of hearing the gentle slip slap of (tiny!) waves on the hull of the boat, some physical effort in paddling so that I feel that I can justify a good pint and hearty meal later. There is just a small problem ….. I am afraid of water. I can cope with shallows, but once there is a body of water beneath me, it all feels rather nerve-wracking.

Sea Kayak off Solva — Christopher at Solva

Overcoming the fear

There is an argument made by psychologists that it is less about overcoming a fear and more about putting it in its right place; managing it, living with it, accepting it, but working to minimise its negative effects. Let’s face it, our gut instincts are there for good reason; a degree of ‘nervousness’ is important. That touch of adrenaline gives us an edge. We just don’t want the full-blown flight response.

In practice this means that we need to follow a process of building confidence through technical skill and experience. We need to reflect on our experiences and take the positives forward, but put right the things that didn’t go so well.

It cannot happen overnight and confidence can remain a fragile being. It’s important to nurture the good bits, celebrate every small success and always be mindful of how far we’ve come. Mitigate the risks (let’s avoid big tide races, bad weather, crashing swells), wear the right gear and get used to it, then go for a paddle. Test out the fearsome capsize in a safe place, don’t try too much too soon. For me then, it will be about knowing that a capsize will get me wet, but I’ve done several now and I’m still going back for more. I can get out of the boat and also back into it. This is the practical stuff, this is the bit about building the right neural pathways and muscle memory so we can react swiftly and correctly when we need to.

Getting started

The first question is one that is far too rarely explored. (And it is the same in so many sports and I have seen it often enough in my equestrian coaching). It is: ‘do you want to be doing this? or do you like the idea of doing it?’

Are you sure? — Do you REALLY want to do this?

Most sports get expensive pretty quickly, so this is a good first test. (Will I spend the money necessary?). The next is to commit. Some people are great at getting going – me, I need deadlines and fixed times so there was really only one answer – book a course. Wednesday evening equestrian sessions were quiet for the Summer holidays so I swapped them for an introduction to kayaking at Cardiff International White Water. https://www.ciww.com The idea was to prove to myself either that there was no way that I was going to put up with unexpected and unceremonious dips into cold water, or, alternatively that it would all start to feel rather less terrifying. Christopher (who is a complete water baby) is convinced that a ducking in the sea is far less dangerous that coming off a horse whilst galloping over fixed timber at almost 20mph. Maybe, but I have spent the last (ahem) years practicing falling off horses and for me it’s just one of those things. It doesn’t play hugely on my mind every time I get on.

There’s the first learning, then. Develop a normality and a realistic perspective.

Three weeks into my course (still not drowned!) and we have learned the basics of going forwards in a straight line (‘haha’, laugh the little Mamba kayaks that only want to spin!), going sideways (I can do that one, it’s about getting the paddle in the right place, so it felt rather different from the same stroke in the canoe), stopping and getting out. All good and some fun exercises.

I think that a number of things have helped – in a kayak you need core strength and flexibility, which are also essential when riding a horse. Tick. A determination to get out on the sea and feel comfortable with it. Tick. Some experience on the water – certainly some of our experiences in the canoe have helped here – especially having paddled in moving water (and being spat out in rapids). Tick.

What next?

After far too many evenings trawling ebay, I gave up and finally found a P and H Scorpio nearby: a short trip to Up and Under in Cardiff where Elan was a mine of information. Walked out with Beautiful Blue.

up and under Cardiff, a gem of a shop — Picking up a new toy from up and under in Cardiff

On the premise that I now need practical experience and paddling hours to increase my confidence on the water, this is what we got up to next.

First, a great trip to Solva where the Beautiful Blue proved a lot less tippy than the very smart Tiderace that Christopher paddles – I wont be swapping! (OK OK, when I stop being a tippy paddler, it might feel better…)

We had fabulous weather and warm seas, so we found a sheltered bay and practiced all kinds of useful things: capsize drills, getting back in the boats (not as easy as it sounds!), forward paddling, and lots of other useful strokes. We also tried the start of rolling by putting the boats at 90 degrees so we could hold on and lie into the water then pull up.

We are lucky to have the flat water of the Monmouth and Brecon canal almost on our doorstep (1/4 mile!), so we have been putting in the hours getting used to the feel of the boats, seeing how they react, finding the edge and avoiding the narrow boats (not as scary as Steve Backshall and the Greenland Icebergs that we watched on TV this weekend).

There is a lot to be said for exploring our actions – Marianne Davies of Dynamics coaching explains this far better than I can, but it comes down to practicing, pushing and understanding our (sporting) environment. You can read one of her excellent blogs here: https://dynamics-coaching.com/articles/learning-in-the-ugly-zone/

….and for our next trick

Next we will be going away with the Kayaks and take out next steps (paddle strokes) towards longer exploration around our amazing coast.

Symonds Yat – fast swimming and an upside-down canoe

Gaining confidence – taking the fall can be the first great step of the journey

The learning continues. It’s all about getting back on the horse.

If you can read this please turn me over…

We learn….

Today I went for a swim. It was no ordinary swim; it was not planned; it was not in calm, warm water. It was in cold, fast-running rapids and it was something of a shock.

The thrill of the fast water, the plan to avoid the big rock on the left, the nervousness as this was all happening rather quickly. And all of a sudden, the was a jump, a buck and the boat was over, spitting me out unceremoniously to make my own way down the rapid. But I DID manage to hang onto my paddle…. I managed to get across to the welcome calm water of an eddy. My gallant husband/coach/rescuer retrieved the canoe and before he even said it, I knew that I had to ‘get back on the horse’. A phrase that was used almost weekly as I learned to ride a horse as a child. It resonates as I am now a passable equestrian and not particularly frightened to try things, I’ve hit the ground thousands of times and am still here telling the tale. Taking a fall provides perspective. I am not a brave rock climber – I’ve never taken a big fall and that doesn’t help. I’m an anxious paddler – I’ve never capsized ‘properly’. Today I broke the duck by taking a ducking.

I am more than ever convinced that we need to take that plunge/fall/trip/decision so that we can move on and use it as experience. These big ‘negatives’ appear in life all over the place, not just in sport. They also arise at work and in our personal lives. We head into them, maybe struggle and then appear on the other side wiser, more worldly and equipped to benefit from new learning.

Remember, in my last blog, I got close to weirs and found it was possible to do so, portage and survive? Here was another new step. A kind of rite of passage maybe? I’m not sure.

Either way, I got back in the boat, we went back down in thrilling fast water, paddled back up by sneaking in and out of the calm eddies that have been made to be our friends at Symonds Yat. I got to use my strokes ‘in anger’ – practice good forward and backward strokes, use strong, smooth sweep and draw strokes. I discovered how fast a bow rudder works in fast flowing water (very!!).

I’m keen to get back now, it wasn’t a long trip but mentally and physically tiring and I want to go and consolidate the learning and the confidence; do it all again so that it will become even more ‘normal’.